What Say You

Greetings readers,

I am back, did  you enjoyed your Independence day celebration?….Speaking of Independence

Some people  say, times have changed. I say, people have changed.

Flashback… to the days when wives stayed at home while husbands worked to support their families.

Moving forward to the birth of the women’s movement and feminist ideology causing women to leave their homes, and join the work force. However, women are still expected to come home and perform their domestic duties.  Most of the women I spoke to about women working outside of the home, said they felt that ” society and their families are punishing them for wanting to be recognized for more them just a stay at home house wife.”

The punishment these women are referring to is the labels given to “women who want have it all. They are called Superwoman or Ms. Independent, High maintain, and because they have a job, they don’t need a man. Women in the work force are belittled and told that they are trying to compete with men. So, chivalry is dead, because women raised their voices and want to have a say, instead of being dictated to by a cultural belief that “a women’s place is in the home.”

Back to the matter of women who feel they are being punished for wanting to earn a pay check, obtain an education and explore their creative abilities. Husbands are demanding that their wives  give of their earnings and contribute to the household expenses; as away of a wife ” doing her part.”

When referring to the financial situation in a relationship, I hear this phrase ” Whats mine is mine and whats hers is hers.” Gone are the days of what we earn is ours. Husbands are hiding money, wives have to conceal the fact that they have back account.  This why I say, people have changed.


Keeping it Real, a rant from the Mad Dater

Greetings from the mad Dater,


When a man says, ” I’m sorry”  is he referring to the word Sorry the adjective, that means feeling distressed especially, at someone else misfortune?


Many years ago, when I was married, my spouse expressed that he was Sorry for behavior towards me that wasn’t appropriate; yet, he made no efforts to change. He’s say Sorry for using impolite language in the house, Sorry for being late for the hundredth time, and Sorry for not keeping an agreement we’ve made.

Over the years hearing Sorry from him became something else for me. When he’d say, ” sorry” What he was  saying was, I am a careless and selfish person. I do not put any effort into thinking about how my actions, behavior, disrespect and rudeness affect you.  In his mind, as long as he continued to say, ” I’m sorry” I would forgive him.

Well…I’m not sorry I left that marriage.

What I’ve learned through trail and error is this,  I will not accept Sorry from a man as away to excuse  his bad behavior. Instead, I ask for and sometimes demand an explanation for his mindless lack of consideration.

What Say You?

Continuing on the subject of , Things fall Apart


If you just…

I would like you to…

Why can’t you…? I don’t understand why this is difficult for you? You met to like this.

I thought you would have changed.

Sounds familiar?  Heated conversations like this take place between couples because one person feels that their partner isn’t paying attention or taking them for granted. Upon close examination, the root of this problem is that one partner is obsessed with changing, grooming, and molding their mate into who they want them to be. I once heard this saying,  ” let people be who they are.” 

At the start of a relationship most people recite these words, “I accept you for who you are and as you are.” However, overtime the little flaws, pet peeves and human faults, that your partner claims are not an issue become extremely ignoring to them.

Things fall apart, when one partner is no longer interested in meeting the sexual needs of the other, or the bedroom demands becomes unpleasant; opening the door for one partner to use this as an excuse to cheat.

Things fall apart, when complacency, boredom, lack of interest, and laziness is allowed to become a 3rd wheel in a relationship.

Things fall apart, when partners allow their physical appearance to become less flattering.

Things fall apart, when lying starts, secrets phone calls are made, habits change, and date night becomes routine, or they get less and less.

Things fall apart, ….WHAT SAY YOU?

Safe Space



Dear readers,

This message was posted on facebook by a close friend PKTMaxwell, it’s a response to the negative reaction by people who fear the LGBT community. The following  is not a religious speech.

As said by PKTMaxwell: My space is safe at work and needs to be just as safe in the community and especially at church. I know there are many people who view homosexuality as abominable and taboo. Not only are we taught this it is sinful but we can’t seem to separate hating that sin from hating the sinner. We unknowingly give people the idea that it  is okay to belittle, harass and even murder gays and lesbians because it is “God punishment.”

What a sad commentary.

There are so many young people ( in your church)  and even older people who need a Safe Space. Safe Space is a term originating in the LBGT community. As a Therapist, I have counseled with several people who have been on the brink of suicide, not because of who they are but because of how they are treated. Christians have to stop the hatred and demonstrate the love of Christ.

What Say You?

Body Shaming, a choice or discrimination?

Hello I am back.

Greetings from the mad Dater



” Body shaming is a negative statement and attitude towards another persons weight or size.”

I am told that setting standards when seeking a life partner is important. In a prospective partner we look for compatibility and good characteristics like: someone who is caring, humble, generous, and self assured. Some people rely on chemistry, “a connection of a bond or common feeling between two people.” For others, physical attraction is important, meaning features that are considered aesthetically pleasing or beautiful.

Question, have you found yourself staring  at a couple who is noticeably gorgeous from head to toe; or the opposite, the women is more physically fit than her male companion, and vice a versa? The general consensus is that aesthetics should not be a deal breaker when choosing a partner.

We all know the saying” beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” Haven’t  you noticed the world is leaning towards outer beauty? A well toned body is a mandatory requirement regardless of  the person’s personality, standards or morals. There are ads that are dedicated to Body Shaming most  are directed towards women. What is most shameful is  people are using body shaming as a form of discrimination when selecting a partner. These people are sending a clear message that based on an individuals physically appearance that they are good enough.

What Say You?

An excerpt from my soon to be released book: The Waiting Game”

Setting the Stage

It is said that if you stop looking for love it will come to you, and if you love someone,
set him free; if the relationship is meant to be, he will come back. Well, in my case, this saying
is a myth. I am a 52-year-old mother of one and grandmother of three. I had one short horrible
marriage and several hit- and -run relationships.
I thought that I once had the love of my life, but he ran for the hills when I mentioned
marriage. I found out that most of my lovers moved on to get married and live happy lives.
What is so painful about reliving these memories is that none of these men thought that I was
wife material or good enough to be the mother of his children.
There is something very evil and disturbing about men who will have sex with you, lie to
you, play you like a fiddle, while closing the door in your face.
I had a few of them come back, but I was not smart enough to understand that I was
just a layover before they moved on again. What is it about me that either scares men away,
attracts losers, or beckons to men who simply don’t get me?
Most of them came with too many requirements and baggage: baggage in the form of
ex-wives who had not moved on, or ex- girlfriends who have not really become exes. In each
relationship, I was expected to change and make adjustments, compromise, give up, give in
until I gave out. I was not sexy enough; I did not dress sluttily enough to suit their taste, I was
too conservative, too aggressive, and too smart. I did not give enough of myself in bed; in other
words, I was not freaky enough.
I played different roles in these relationships. For the men who refused to grow up and
cut the apron strings, I had to mother them. Oh, and the children; no, not my son, their
children. I was the free babysitter so they could go out and hang with the boys.
My biggest role–playing wife without the ring or marriage license. When I think about
all the time I wasted cooking, cleaning, washing and organizing their sad lives, all in the name of
L.O.V.E, I realized that Tina Turner was right: love had nothing to do with what I was going
through. It was all for the sole purpose of their self-gratification. Moreover, in the end I was left
emotionally confused, physically exhausted, mentally disturbed, and financially broken- exactly
what they wanted.
More myths: you are still young, it is not too late, he is out there for you, and you just
have not met him yet. Why do people tell you this when deep down inside what they really
want to say is, “ Girl, hang up your dating boots, your prince isn’t coming, settle for that frog,’
because at this stage of the game you have to take what you can get; or settle for what’s
behind door number three.”
Drum roll please…. and behind door number three we present Miss Lonely. Yes, most
women fear being alone, because we have been told being alone is BAD.
Yes, the defect is always with us. It goes something like this: I am alone because I am a
nag, hard to get along with, too needy, too fat, too thin, too broke, or too independent.
I am selfish, bossy, noisy, fussy, and refuse to have sex 10 times a day. I am too trusting
or not trusting enough. Oh, here is the climax: it is my fault that I have been replaced with a
better woman. But no, I am not another angry woman, as I have been labeled. I am a woman
who has arrived at the end of these experiences finally understanding who I am, where I am
going, and knowing how I am going to get there, and what I will and will not put up with and
why. My story is about ignoring the warning signs, such as, when it is time to get out of an
abusive relationship. A reminder: abuse does not have to be physical to leave scars. I had to
learn how to put the brakes on, make a U-turn, and haul ass in the opposite direction when the
drama got too deep.
This is about not lowering standards by accepting the behavior of a serial cheater. By
doing so, we women put our health in danger by continuing to have sexual intercourse with
him: all because women are told this is all a part of what men do. Well, A.I.D.S kills and herpes
is for life, and do you really want to stay with a man who has been labeled community
This is about all the bad relationship myths that are damaging to women’s self-esteem
and self- respect and undermine us a woman. This is about living in a society where the double
standard motto that “Boys will be Boys” is an accepted norm, while women are expected to put
out and shut up.
To the men who have the great fortune and guts to read this book, it is about your
understanding that men can be broken, needy, and have parts of them that need to be fixed
too. Stop measuring your worth by your penis and start thinking with your brain about the
quality of emotional stability, respect, caring, and love that you can give to your partner.
A final note: Men, stop being selfish; a relationship is not all about you. Women, stop
talking to your girlfriends, your mother, his mother, and talk to him, God, or a therapist.
When entering into a relationship, both men and women need to think about what they
are doing and why. Nobody likes a player and games are for social activities, not a relationship.

What Say You?