What Say You

Greetings readers,

I am back, did  you enjoyed your Independence day celebration?….Speaking of Independence

Some people  say, times have changed. I say, people have changed.

Flashback… to the days when wives stayed at home while husbands worked to support their families.

Moving forward to the birth of the women’s movement and feminist ideology causing women to leave their homes, and join the work force. However, women are still expected to come home and perform their domestic duties.  Most of the women I spoke to about women working outside of the home, said they felt that ” society and their families are punishing them for wanting to be recognized for more them just a stay at home house wife.”

The punishment these women are referring to is the labels given to “women who want have it all. They are called Superwoman or Ms. Independent, High maintain, and because they have a job, they don’t need a man. Women in the work force are belittled and told that they are trying to compete with men. So, chivalry is dead, because women raised their voices and want to have a say, instead of being dictated to by a cultural belief that “a women’s place is in the home.”

Back to the matter of women who feel they are being punished for wanting to earn a pay check, obtain an education and explore their creative abilities. Husbands are demanding that their wives  give of their earnings and contribute to the household expenses; as away of a wife ” doing her part.”

When referring to the financial situation in a relationship, I hear this phrase ” Whats mine is mine and whats hers is hers.” Gone are the days of what we earn is ours. Husbands are hiding money, wives have to conceal the fact that they have back account.  This why I say, people have changed.

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Keeping it Real, a rant from the Mad Dater

Greetings from the mad Dater,

 

When a man says, ” I’m sorry”  is he referring to the word Sorry the adjective, that means feeling distressed especially, at someone else misfortune?

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Many years ago, when I was married, my spouse expressed that he was Sorry for behavior towards me that wasn’t appropriate; yet, he made no efforts to change. He’s say Sorry for using impolite language in the house, Sorry for being late for the hundredth time, and Sorry for not keeping an agreement we’ve made.

Over the years hearing Sorry from him became something else for me. When he’d say, ” sorry” What he was  saying was, I am a careless and selfish person. I do not put any effort into thinking about how my actions, behavior, disrespect and rudeness affect you.  In his mind, as long as he continued to say, ” I’m sorry” I would forgive him.

Well…I’m not sorry I left that marriage.

What I’ve learned through trail and error is this,  I will not accept Sorry from a man as away to excuse  his bad behavior. Instead, I ask for and sometimes demand an explanation for his mindless lack of consideration.

What Say You?

Continuing on the subject of , Things fall Apart

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If you just…

I would like you to…

Why can’t you…? I don’t understand why this is difficult for you? You met to like this.

I thought you would have changed.

Sounds familiar?  Heated conversations like this take place between couples because one person feels that their partner isn’t paying attention or taking them for granted. Upon close examination, the root of this problem is that one partner is obsessed with changing, grooming, and molding their mate into who they want them to be. I once heard this saying,  ” let people be who they are.” 

At the start of a relationship most people recite these words, “I accept you for who you are and as you are.” However, overtime the little flaws, pet peeves and human faults, that your partner claims are not an issue become extremely ignoring to them.

Things fall apart, when one partner is no longer interested in meeting the sexual needs of the other, or the bedroom demands becomes unpleasant; opening the door for one partner to use this as an excuse to cheat.

Things fall apart, when complacency, boredom, lack of interest, and laziness is allowed to become a 3rd wheel in a relationship.

Things fall apart, when partners allow their physical appearance to become less flattering.

Things fall apart, when lying starts, secrets phone calls are made, habits change, and date night becomes routine, or they get less and less.

Things fall apart, ….WHAT SAY YOU?

Greetings from the mad Dater

Dear readers,

Stay tuned for my next exciting topic: Things fall Apart: Why people in inmate relationships such as: legal marriages, co-habitation, common law, or partnership, grow apart, cheat… you get where I’m going with this topic?

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What Say You?

Safe Space

 

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Dear readers,

This message was posted on facebook by a close friend PKTMaxwell, it’s a response to the negative reaction by people who fear the LGBT community. The following  is not a religious speech.

As said by PKTMaxwell: My space is safe at work and needs to be just as safe in the community and especially at church. I know there are many people who view homosexuality as abominable and taboo. Not only are we taught this it is sinful but we can’t seem to separate hating that sin from hating the sinner. We unknowingly give people the idea that it  is okay to belittle, harass and even murder gays and lesbians because it is “God punishment.”

What a sad commentary.

There are so many young people ( in your church)  and even older people who need a Safe Space. Safe Space is a term originating in the LBGT community. As a Therapist, I have counseled with several people who have been on the brink of suicide, not because of who they are but because of how they are treated. Christians have to stop the hatred and demonstrate the love of Christ.

What Say You?