Chapters from my book

” The Waiting Game” by J. R. Floyd

Setting the Stage

Dear readers,

It is said that if you stop looking for love it will come to you, and if you love someone,
set him free; if the relationship is meant to be, he will come back. Well, in my case, this saying
is a myth. I am a 52-year-old mother of one and grandmother of three. I had one short horrible
marriage and several hit- and -run relationships.
I thought that I once had the love of my life, but he ran for the hills when I mentioned
marriage. I found out that most of my lovers moved on to get married and live happy lives.
What is so painful about reliving these memories is that none of these men thought that I was
wife material or good enough to be the mother of his children.
There is something very evil and disturbing about men who will have sex with you, lie to
you, play you like a fiddle, while closing the door in your face.
I had a few of them come back, but I was not smart enough to understand that I was
just a layover before they moved on again. What is it about me that either scares men away,
attracts losers, or beckons to men who simply don’t get me?
Most of them came with too many requirements and baggage: baggage in the form of
ex-wives who had not moved on, or ex- girlfriends who have not really become exes. In each
relationship, I was expected to change and make adjustments, compromise, give up, give in
until I gave out. I was not sexy enough; I did not dress sluttily enough to suit their taste, I was
too conservative, too aggressive, and too smart. I did not give enough of myself in bed; in other
words, I was not freaky enough.
I played different roles in these relationships. For the men who refused to grow up and
cut the apron strings, I had to mother them. Oh, and the children; no, not my son, their
children. I was the free babysitter so they could go out and hang with the boys.
My biggest role–playing wife without the ring or marriage license. When I think about
all the time I wasted cooking, cleaning, washing and organizing their sad lives, all in the name of
L.O.V.E, I realized that Tina Turner was right: love had nothing to do with what I was going
through. It was all for the sole purpose of their self-gratification. Moreover, in the end I was left
emotionally confused, physically exhausted, mentally disturbed, and financially broken- exactly
what they wanted.
More myths: you are still young, it is not too late, he is out there for you, and you just
have not met him yet. Why do people tell you this when deep down inside what they really
want to say is, “ Girl, hang up your dating boots, your prince isn’t coming, settle for that frog,’
because at this stage of the game you have to take what you can get; or settle for what’s
behind door number three.”
Drum roll please…. and behind door number three we present Miss Lonely. Yes, most
women fear being alone, because we have been told being alone is BAD.
Yes, the defect is always with us. It goes something like this: I am alone because I am a
nag, hard to get along with, too needy, too fat, too thin, too broke, or too independent.
I am selfish, bossy, noisy, fussy, and refuse to have sex 10 times a day. I am too trusting
or not trusting enough. Oh, here is the climax: it is my fault that I have been replaced with a
better woman. But no, I am not another angry woman, as I have been labeled. I am a woman
who has arrived at the end of these experiences finally understanding who I am, where I am
going, and knowing how I am going to get there, and what I will and will not put up with and
why. My story is about ignoring the warning signs, such as, when it is time to get out of an
abusive relationship. A reminder: abuse does not have to be physical to leave scars. I had to
learn how to put the brakes on, make a U-turn, and haul ass in the opposite direction when the
drama got too deep.
This is about not lowering standards by accepting the behavior of a serial cheater. By
doing so, we women put our health in danger by continuing to have sexual intercourse with
him: all because women are told this is all a part of what men do. Well, A.I.D.S kills and herpes
is for life, and do you really want to stay with a man who has been labeled community
property?
This is about all the bad relationship myths that are damaging to women’s self-esteem
and self- respect and undermine us a woman. This is about living in a society where the double
standard motto that “Boys will be Boys” is an accepted norm, while women are expected to put
out and shut up.
To the men who have the great fortune and guts to read this book, it is about your
understanding that men can be broken, needy, and have parts of them that need to be fixed
too. Stop measuring your worth by your penis and start thinking with your brain about the
quality of emotional stability, respect, caring, and love that you can give to your partner.
A final note: Men, stop being selfish; a relationship is not all about you. Women, stop
talking to your girlfriends, your mother, his mother, and talk to him, God, or a therapist.
When entering into a relationship, both men and women need to think about what they
are doing and why. Nobody likes a player and games are for social activities, not a relationship.

What Say You?

TWG Cover

Available on Amazon

The Wait is Over

Drama

Family or not

Dear readers,

We are living in a different time where the structure of  what it means to be a family  continues to break down, and this situation seems to get worse with each generation. Once upon a time, being a family meant that children were raised in a two parent home with the presence of extended family members. Nowadays, a family can mean a single parent home that is not limited to mothers only. Furthermore, Grandparents and other family members  such as: Aunts and Uncles, are taking in nieces and nephews to keep them from going into the foster care system. I may not have been the best example of a parent, but when I gave birth to my only child it wasn’t my choice to become a single parent, his father took flight, and that was the end of my hopes of raising  my child in a two parent home. He never had the chance to experience the joy of coming home to a mother and a father. Because of this I decided not to give birth to  anymore children. When I observe the damage children suffer due to the break down  in the way family was intended to be, I wonder, how will it be for my grandchildren generation.

What Say You?

 

Uncategorized

Half?

For some couples relationships are conducted on the 50/50 theory because their thinking is that their partner completes them. People hold fast to the belief that relationships are just about give, take and compromise. So many people find themselves searching for someone to complete them or waiting for their better half. My take on this is that, each individual should enter a relationship 100% whole because people don’t come in halves. We all have some dents, rips, holes, mileage, and wear and tear on our hearts. Regardless of this, try to enter a new relationship with a clean slate, leaving all baggage at the door; and learn to become full participant  and stop being concerned with having a one-sided relationship .

Whats the line from that old song? Oh yeah, ” It takes two baby me and you.”

What Say You?”

Uncategorized

patience

ayékòótóFMD

Learn the art of patience. Apply discipline to your thoughts when they become anxious over the outcome of a goal. Impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success. – Brian Adams

Patience was not my forte in my younger years. Those who knew me then, could attest to my impatience, my not suffering fools easily and my rush to to do many things and achieve a lot. Years down the line I am learning patience and realising its inevitability in human living. These days I am more patient and nature had been teaching me.Nature and the natural circumstances around us reflect patience. Take water for example. Water is so soft, tender and almost powerless when not angry. Water goes quietly on its own way and conveys the picture of almost a powerless smooth movement. However, this belies water’s…

View original post 1,027 more words

Random Thoughts

An Ode To The Weekend

Dear readers,

stock-vector-man-people-working-construction-carrying-building-industry-painting-sawing-hard-labor-pictogram-83159008

Grinding, workaholic, pushing to the top, and burning the candle at both ends. Whatever people are calling it these days, I say, we live in a society were people are burnt out, drained and over worked. Does anyone remember the regular five-day work week, when business ended on Friday at 5 pm, and that when the weekend started.

90319910d8a1a2a77e2970077c084ccf

Yes, the weekend, those two days separate from the hustle and routine of the weekdays. Saturday meant, sleeping late, relaxing, regrouping, and visiting the mall. Sundays the family drove to grandmas house for dinner, or sport parties, backyard BBQ’s in the summer, and long lazy days at the beach.

Nowadays, relax is rushed and unplanned. I hear more and more people say, ” I don’t have Time.” Vacations are getting shorter, and most people plan stay cations, instead of going away.

I was a energizer bunny from the age of 28-50. Well, the thrill is gone. I am off the treadmill of madness, got my feet planted firmly on the ground, and taking baby steps to reclaim my weekends.

 

What Say You

 

Random Thoughts

Splitting the Difference

Dear readers,

When a marriage ends in divorce, its sad, devastating and disruptive. Deciding who gets custody of the kids, pets and dividing finances equally, for some couples is difficult to negotiate. In the middle of this unsettling event , is friends and in-laws trying to determine how to split their loyalty between two people who they have formed an emotional bond to.

Regardless of the reasons a couple conclude that  their marriage has to end; they don’t factor in the emotional affect and mental anguish a divorce causes to the relationships outside the marriage. Choosing who takes the china, mini van, and the bed might be easy. However, there is no uncomplicated way to select who gets to keep which friends or how to carry on a relationship with the ex-in-laws.

My parents were married 32 years before my farther died. Twenty-two years later, my mother, is still in contact with his family. She has attended weddings, baby showers, graduations, and funerals. Many of my mother and fathers family and friend have moved back to South Carolina or North Carolina, but they have managed to say in connected with one another.

I know that death of a spouse is not the same of a divorce. The point I’m trying to make is,if death doesn’t affect the relationships with the extended family and friends  then why should a divorce be any different? I’m just say.

What Say You?

the_english_lady_the_knight_by_tiorra

Drama

Qualities of a true Parent

Dear readers,

This might be unpleasant for some people.

Sperm donor, absentee father, dead beat dad, poor excuse for a mother, estranged parent, these are some of the labels given to parents who separate themselves from their children. There are mother and fathers who make difficult decisions to distance themselves from their children. I’m not referring to the mothers who use  thier children as weapons to gain financial support, while denying the fathers visitation.And the mothers  who teach their children to hate their fathers because he left them.

Angry fathers taking the mother of their children to court suing them for sole custody citing  that they are unfit to raise children. The fathers  who avoid paying child support by staying unemployed, or they drop out of sight moving to another state or country.

Its a shame that  children get caught in the middle of messy, ignorant, selfish affairs of adults. In the end most parents are pushed away from their children. A person can take but so much drama.

What Say You?