Gratiude

Dear readers,

Today, I am grateful for my life. I’ve been observing the life style of some of my family and friends, and sometimes I secretly  wished that I had what they have. But upon close investigation, I’ve come to understand that most of them  that I’ve watched with the GREEN EYES of ENVY  with all  their material assets; house, cars, trips, expensive clothes, and other accessories, some of them lack peace and freedom. Let me explain, they seemed happy with all that they have gained, however, while a rare lunch date with my best friend, she confirmed my assumption, when she said, ” There are days that I wished that I could live like you.” I didn’t respond because I was thinking, she has a house, two cars, three beautiful children, and a husband who provides for her. She must be mad, I worked two jobs, ride public transportation ( took  on the second job to save for a car), and I haven’t been in a relationship for six years.

Before I could question her, she continued. “I love my family, but I wished that I would have waited to live my life. You live free of the burdens of having to find a baby sitter for three kids in order to have date night, which is rare, or to go out with the few friends I have. Your house is always clean and quiet. In my house, I constantly hear  voices, asking and demanding my time and attention. I’m totally depended on my husband financially and at time he is tight with money.Besides begin married for 15 years, having my children, I have nothing to show for what I have accomplished beyond my marriage. You travel, paid your way through college, published a book, your self-sufficient, and unlike the rest of the women in our circle you didn’t settle. When you marriage wasn’t working, you left and didn’t look back. Anyway, girl I’m venting, how is the new book coming?”

We continued to eat  lunch and talked about my next book. We parted ways and when I arrived home, put the key in my door to be greeted by my  dogs wagging tail of excitement, It was a that moment that I knew that I haven’t been grateful for my life. I have all that I need and my life is the exactly the way it should be.

What do you have to be grateful for?

The Waiting Game

TWG Cover

Dear Readers:

Some people say waiting is a part of life. I say it depends on what you’re waiting for and why. With that said, I apologize to my patient supporters who’ve encouraged me through the entire penning of my book. Due to technical difficulties beyond my control, I was unable to meet my publishing deadline on August 24, 2015.  In the meantime, while I am fixing things behind the scenes, please enjoy this sneak preview of my memoir.

“The Waiting Game” details the relationship myths that women hear about through the generations. Women are taught that men are not attracted to strong women, and that a woman’s primary role in society is to get the man and keep him interested. Women have to follow the rules of the game to be successful. Rule one, use prime bait. Rule two, catch the man. Rule three, keep the man no matter what characteristics he possesses.  Any rules after that, the men play the rest of the game. Therefore, if this task is not completed—we fail as women.

Read this and:

Let Your Reminiscence Unfold

Setting the Stage

It is said that if you stop looking for love it will come to you, and if you love someone set them free; if the relationship is meant to be they will come back.  Well, in my case, this saying is a myth. I am a 51-year-old mother of one and grandmother of three. I had one short horrible marriage and several hit and run relationships.

I thought that I once had the love of my life, but he ran for the hills when I mentioned marriage. I found out that most of my lovers moved on to get married and live happy lives. What is so painful about reliving these memories is that none of these men thought that I was wife material or good enough to be the mother of his children.

There is something very evil and disturbing about men who will have sex with you, lie to you, play you like a fiddle, while closing the door in your face.

I had a few of them come back, but I was not smart enough to understand that I was just a layover before they moved on again. What is it about me that I either scare men away, attack losers or men who simply don’t get me?

Most of them came with too many requirements and baggage. Baggage in the form of ex-wives who had not moved on, or ex- girlfriends who had not become the ex. In each relationship, I was expected to change and make adjustments, compromise, give up, give in until I gave out. I was not sexy enough, I did not dress sluttie enough to suit their taste. I was too conservative, too aggressive, and too smart. I did not give enough of myself in bed; in other words, I was not freaky enough.

I played different roles in these relationships. For the men who refused to grow up and cut the apron strings, I had to mother them. Oh and the children; no, not my son, their children. I was the free babysitter so they could go out and hang with the boys.

My biggest role–playing wife without the ring or marriage license. When I think about all the time I wasted cooking, cleaning, washing and organizing their sad lives all in the name of L.O.V.E, I realized that Tina Turner was right: love had nothing to do with what I was going through. It was all for the sole purpose of their self-gratification. Moreover, in the end I was left emotionally confused, physically exhausted, mentally disturbed, and financially broken- exactly what they wanted.

More myths: you are still young, it is not too late, he is out there for you, and you just have not met him yet. Why do people tell you  this when deep down inside what  they really want to say is, “ Girl,  hang up your dating boots, your prince isn’t coming, settle for that frog because at this stage of the game you have to take what you can get; or settle for what’s behind door number three”.

Drum roll please…. and behind door number three we present Miss Lonely.  Yes, most women fear being alone because we have been told being alone is BAD.

Yes, the defect is always with us. It goes something like this: I am alone because I am a nag, hard to get along with, too needy, too fat, too thin, too broke and too independent.

I am selfish, bossy, noisy, fussy, and refuse to have sex 10 times a day. I am too trusting or not trusting enough. Oh, here is the climax: it is my fault that I have been replaced with a better woman. But no, I am not another angry woman as I have been labeled. I am a woman who has arrived at the end of these experiences finally understanding  who I am, where I am going, and knowing how I am going to get there, and what I will and will not put up with and why.  My story is about ignoring the warning signs, such as, when it is time to get out of an abusive relationship. A reminder: abuse does not have to be physical to leave scars. I had to learn how to put the brakes on, make a U-turn, and haul ass in the opposite direction when the drama got too deep.

This is about not lowering standards by accepting the behavior of a serial cheater. By doing so, we women put our health in danger by continuing to have sexual intercourse with him, all because women are told this is all a part of what men do. Well, A.I.D.S kills and herpes is for life, and do you really want to stay with a man who has been labeled community property?

This is about all the bad relationship myths that are damaging to women’s self-esteem and self- respect and undermine us a woman.  This is about living in a society where the double standard motto that “Boys will be Boys” is an accepted norm, while women are expected to put out and shut up.

To the men who have the great fortune and guts to read this book, it is about you understanding that men can be broken, needy, and have parts of them that need to be fixed too. Stop measuring your worth by your penis and start thinking with your brain about the quality of emotional stability, respect, caring, and love that you can give to your partner.

A final note: Men, stop being selfish; a relationship is not all about you.  Women, stop talking to your girlfriends, your mother, his mother, and talk to him, God, or a therapist.

When entering into a relationship, both men and women need to think about what they are doing and why. Nobody likes a player and games are for social activities, not for a relationship.

 

amazon.com/author/rahshemahfloyd

Critical challenges faced by Colleges and Universities

 

Most colleges and universities have a mission statement or motto that in- directly relays the message to students that as an institution of higher learning that the interests of the students come first, and that they are in the business of producing quality students. While these statements may be true,  in today’s society the complexities and challenges of securing an education while ensuring that students are mastering course content and at the same time obtaining and retaining qualified instructors, administrative staff and other faculty members,  are a few critical issues facing many colleges and universities. The old cliché that everyone should go to college or that anybody could acquire a college education, has proven to be an arduous sell. Colleges and universities struggle with students who have complex problems such as a lack of basic skills, financial hardship, and a lack of discipline and college readiness.

The evidence of this is in the high number of students who enroll in remedial courses. According to Aaron Short in the New York Post Metro Section (2015). He points out how high school graduates, “often aren’t ready for college”, and according to data, “the rising number of students needing remedial help… an astonishing 78.3 percent of college students who graduate from high school in 2014 enrolled in remedial courses.

Briana Boyinton an Education Wed producer, in his Article “Plan Ahead to Avoid Remedial Classes” for U.S. News, he points out how “remedial classes are courses that are designed to help students learn developmental skills in math and reading so they’re prepared for college –level work. Students have to pay tuition for these classes, which don’t count for credit and can delay graduation, particularly if students have to take more than one”.

Furthermore, the majority of these remedial classes contain students who are non-native speakers of the English language or there have been on an extended break in their education. Also, based on Boyinton’s article,” one estimate suggests that more than two-thirds of college students take at least one remedial course.” In addition, most instructors who teach remedial courses find themselves overwhelmed with the amount of individual attention each student requires. This leaves the instructor and the students frustrated and at a loss as to how to address the needs of remediation.

Over the course of many years, financial aid (TAP/PELL) and other government-funded programs have reduced benefits packages that currently do not accommodate all of students’ financial needs, and to add to this dilemma the cost of tuition, books and other college related supplies continues to increase. This causes disappointment to students who cannot afford to pay out-of-pocket.  As a result, students are borrowing loans as a way to supplement their income and to pay for their tuition. Danielle Dougles –Gabriel covers the economics of education. She writes about the financial lives of students from when they take out student debt through their experiences in the job market.

In her article “Congress cuts federal financial aid for needy students”, Gabriel gives readers a run down on why the congress has cut $303 million in funding for federal programs. She goes on to write that these cuts to the Pell grant is to “free up money to pay companies that collect student loans on behalf of the Department of education.” Equally important, congress’ explanation for these cuts to Pell is that “the demands placed on Pell during the recession, when thousands of people entered or went back to school, have changed as the economy has improved.” Gabriel also notes that these cuts target the nation’s lowest income earners and a significant number of these recipients of the Pell grant is from African American and Latino households.

Regardless of the fact that most people’s opinion is that educational institutions are in the business of educating, most of the prestigious Ivy League colleges or universities are brand names, and they make an effort to distinguish themselves from others.  Meaning, they must stand out. Some of these institutions are famous for their athletics department and others seek to illustrate their prestige by emphasizing their higher standards in academics by employing prominent and well-learned scholars who are experts in their areas of instruction.  To complement the teaching faculty there is the need for highly qualified administrative staff who play an important role in the daily operations of how an institution functions.

In his article” Netting an elusive breed how to attract and retain better teachers”, Mark R. Warner, the governor of Virginia and chairman of the Education Commission of the states,  talks about his experience in operating a successful business and the challenges he faced.  Warner states “there is no greater challenge than to attract and retain the best-qualified, hardest-working employees.” He goes on to say, “To accomplish this, businesses must offer compensation and benefit packages, positive working environment, and opportunities for employees to gain more responsibilities and to upgrade their skills. The suggestion offered by Mark Warner in his article is what most colleges and universities board of directors agonize over each year as they sort to hold onto qualified faculty.

What Say You?

 

 

Daily Dose of Inspiration – Repetitive Thoughts

Truly Inspiring words

Be Inspired..!!

One thing that I think often is, “how do I stop the thoughts!”  What happens when you have repetitive thoughts that are focused on something that doesn’t serve your highest good? You don’t need an expert to tell you what could potentially happen when you have continuous repetitive thoughts.  These thoughts can lead us to do horrible things to ourselves and to others that can be emotionally, physically and spiritually abusive.

STOP IT YOU..!! Breathe..

Mindfulness skills teach you how to raise your consciousness and reduce negative emotion.  Mindfulness skills consist of three areas: awareness, acknowledgement and acceptance.  First of all be aware that you are obsessively thinking about a thought (like the way I just did above). Second is to acknowledge the main reason behind why you are thinking those thoughts, identify that reason within you. Look this part is easy, we don’t have to tell anyone why we…

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The Conversation

Dear readers, Sixteen days into the new year. Question how is those RESOLUTIONS working for you?

Well, if you haven’t read my post the Bucket list versus Resolutions, I’ve come across a list of 20 Questions by  author Martha  Nibley Beck,   an American sociologist, life coach, best-selling author, and speaker who specializes in helping individuals and groups achieve personal and professional goals.

Maybe its time to stop looking at that list of New Years Resolutions and have a serious conversation with yourself. Its Martha Beck’s theory  that these 20 question will help you to find the answers to some of life’s dilemmas by asking  the right questions.

  1. What questions should I be asking myself?
  2. Is this what I want to be doing?
  3. Why worry?
  4. Why do I like ________ more than I like _____?
  5. How do I want the world to be different because I lived  in it?
  6. How do I want to be different because I live in the world?
  7. Are vegans better people?
  8. What is my body telling me?
  9. How much junk could a chic chick if a chic chick could chuck junk?
  10. What’s so funny?
  11. Where am I wrong?
  12. What potential memories am I bartering, and is the profit worth the price?
  13. Am I the only one struggling not to ____?
  14. What do I love to practice?
  15. Where could I work less and achieve more?
  16. How can I keep myself absolutely safe?
  17. Where should I break the rules?
  18. So say I lived in that fabulous house in Tuscany, with untold wealth, a gorgeous , adoring mate, and a full staff of servants…then what?
  19. Are my thoughts hurting or healing?
  20. Really truly: Is this what I want to be doing?

What Say you?

Sometimes you have to laugh!

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Dear readers, a friend shared this with me and now I am sharing  this wonderful Inauguration day recipe with you.

A Recipe

By Jena Friedman

With the Inauguration almost upon us, I though I’d share an old family recipe, of Italian origin, passed down to my grandmother from her aunt in Germany. The ingredients have been tweaked to appeal to American tastes.

Warning: This dish contains nuts.

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1/4 Of all eligible voters ( or less, depending on how many voters you can suppress)
  • 1 charismatic leader with a widely successful book, TV show , or film ( and weird facial or head hair)
  • 1 gaggle of Russian hackers
  • 1 well-times WikiLeak
  • 1 rogue F.B.I. director ( or other high-level government official)
  • A dollop of racism
  • A spritz of anit-Semitism
  • A sprinkle of idiocy ( for low-fat version, substitute applesauce for idiocy)
  • The media

PREPARATION:

  1. preheat the planet to record temperatures to accelerate climate changes, and trigger a global refugee crisis. Put the refugee crisis aside and let it rise. Tt will come into play later.
  2. Next, you’ll need a melting pot, or the illusion of one. Mix a colorful figure ( preferably orange) into a liberal but fractured democracy , where the left has been weakened by infighting and the right has been reduced by impotent leadership.

note: The figure may curdle the dish, unless he appears at first to be a joke, a clown, or a total idiot. Add the media here to help emulsify.

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What Say You?:

Love & Marriage

Dear readers,

Remember the TV series Married with Children , 1987-1997, and that theme song, ” Love and Marriage, love and Marriage they go together like a horse and carriage.” Speaking of the subject love and Marriage, Tina Turner had a hit song, What’s love got to do with it? For the majority of people who are married they will say they said ” I do” because of love. There is a movies produced by Tyler Perry that ask the question, Why Did I Get Married?

I read  an article by Maggie Gallagher: What’s Marriage Got to Do With Love?

She writes,

Why do lovers marry? For centuries the answer might have been self-evident, but in today’s world where cohabitation is more bourgeois then bohemian, it’s an open question. I posed it not long ago to a group of young, college-educated women. Krista, a 23 year old writer, tried to explain why its so important to her that she and her live -in boyfriend get married. ” I just love the words ” husband and ‘wife”, she says, almost ruefully. ” I know the words are archaic, but I just love the whole idea.”

Krista, like the other young women in the room, lives with the omnipresent reality of divorce. they know a marriage license is no guarantee of permanence. Sex and affection they already have from their boyfriends. Yet, women like Krista long, almost irrationally, for the nuptial bond. the words ” I love you have been drained, through overuse, of all special meanings. and the act of love no longer signifies union. All that is left is this fail, eroding word, ” marriage,” packed with centuries of loving, living growing old together, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

American are marrying people-like Krista, nine out of 10 adult women tie the knot at least once. And yet Americans also have the highest divorce rate in the western world. How do we reconcile the cultural contradiction.

What say you?

love-and-marriage