Random Thoughts

Images vs Reality

Dear Readers,

“Great expectations, big letdowns” this adage seems to sum up my feelings about people who enter into relationships/partnerships holding their mate’s hostage because of impossible expectations. We have become a society that has stop accepting people for who they are and allowing them to be themselves. Instead, we have these grandiose ideas and stinking thinking about what we want our mates to be and how we feel they should behave. This is due to the   images and fantasies that’s created in our heads. In other words, we place people in boxes.

We all have faults and pet peeves and so one…These characteristics do not mean that somebody needs to come alone and rescue an individual, new flash, you shouldn’t form a relationship to save or change your partner. Stand still take a moment and open your eyes and see the person in front of you, the person you say you love, get rid of the wish list of the person you’re creating in your mind. While you’re looking at that person ask yourself what attracted you to him/her? When we develop a relationship, we don’t do so blindly unless you’re not paying attending to the things that you should. Did you spend time talking and observing your partner? When you walked down that aisle and stood before God and man and say, “I do” it was yes, to the wedding vows and the personality traits that you said wasn’t a problem. Are you being respectful of your partners wishes or are you trying to bend them to your will? I like to sleep on my off days, I don’t like loud noise and ironing, and above all I like a clean, clean house. My fiancé know these things about me and he is respectful of them. On the other hand, he isn’t the neatest person, he procrastinates, he drinks way too much coffee (my person opinion), he has a sweet tooth, and he gets up early on Saturdays. I know these things about him and never have I once asked him to change who he is. We understand that for our marriage to be a long-lasting union, we will have to learn how to live with, work out and around the little faults and pet peeves. At the end of the days he is the man who I chose to be in my life until death does it part.

The point is stop living in denial and be present relationships are not fantasies and fairy tales. We all have our eye on that princes or princess open your eyes he/she is standing in front of you.

 

What Say You?

Random Thoughts

Mommy Dearest

Dear Readers,

I once read that being a mother is the best job. I say, “motherhood isn’t a job it’s a calling.”a job is defined as a paid position of regular employment. While motherhood is the state or experience of having or raising a child. A mother forth life and no definition can truly define the true role of a mother. Women who makes the choice to bring forth life or to adopt children embarks on a life long journey that some say changes the entire course of their life. Being a mother means a life time of having a connection to their children that doesn’t end when the umbilical cord is cut. There is no job description that is equal to the multiple tasks performed by a mother within a 24-hour day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, with the occasional birthday, Mothers’ day, a spa day or night out with the girls. Despite the thousands of books dedicated to helping mothers by giving them advice on the proper way to raise their children; any mother will tell you that there are no manuals that comes close to explaining the instincts, talent, and gifts that mothers have. A mother’s love runs deeper than any ocean, and shines brighter than the stars in the galaxy.  The healing touch of a mother’s hands is more comforting than a skills physicians’ hands. The depths of a mother’s wisdom and knowledge comes from the profound minds of generations. When a mother feels sorrow the entire world senses her pain and mourns with her.  A mother’s joy burns brighter than the Sun and lasts a life time. Motherhood isn’t a random position that a woman chooses, A mother answers to the stirring in her womb, she responses to the call of a natural caretaker. A mother makes heart breaking sacrifices that only another mother understands. Memories of Mothers live on burned into the hearts and mind of her children long after she had departed this earth. Some people say the best things in life are free. I say, “motherhood is the most precious gift of life.”

What say you?

Random Thoughts

I remember When…..

Dear Readers,

There is a Rap song titled “We came from nothing” and an old church hymn that talks about building a house on a solid foundation. When I think of a solid foundation, I think of family. civilization was created with the idea family being the fabric that holds society together. Family is where children are supposed to learn the values and morals of life. The knowledge passed into children from their grandparents are words of wisdom that is the sum of their life experience and struggles they have conquered.

Family is where mothers teach daughters how to be domestic divas and at the same time how to be self-sufficient, while preparing to meet their life partners. Family is where fathers educate their sons how to respect women and what their responsibilities are to their future wives and children. Family is where children learn to love, share, communicate and stay close to their siblings.

Our family’s teach the importance of honoring our elders and never forgetting those who passed on. Family is where babies are celebrated and weddings are a serious extended family event, and death is seen as a home going not the end. In a perfect world, this would make sense.

Nowadays, the family structure is broken and seems damaged beyond repair. Divorce has swept through generations if to say the only way to be happy is to remain single. Mothers burdened with the task of raising multiple children by different fathers. Men are running from home to home spreading their seeds without looking back to see them to maturity. Grandparents are now parents to children parents felt that parenthood is too burdensome. Aunts and Uncles have become best friends to their nieces and nephews, instead of being role models of good leadership and guidance to help younger family members to navigate a world of hate and misery.

I remember growing up eating at a long wooden table this was a sacred time for my family. We waited for family members to arrive for the pleasure of sharing a meal. We did not answer the phone or watch TV. We sat, ate, talked, and laughed. As I got older, the family dinner table became the place were serious family matters were discussed and solved. Sunday was family day, a day relatives anticipated these weekly visits. Nowadays, there are no weekly visits or calls just to say,” hi, how are you.” No one sends cards by snail mail anymore, and we texted instead of letting our voices be heard.

We carry senseless grudges until somebody dies and then we live with the guilt of not asking for forgiveness while they were alive. Children thrown out of their homes at 18 because parents feel it is time for them to go. The visits to elderly family members get less and less, we have replaced time spend in person with technology. We have allowed the grind for that next promotion to get the new car or the bigger house, and spend less and less time with family. In addition, parents are over scheduling children in extra after school activities to keep them busy.

Take a second and think. Do you wish for the days when Family was first, and everything else followed.

What say you?

Random Thoughts

In the Spirit of LOVE

Dear Readers,

Someone comes into your life after many seasons of broken and dysfunctional relationships; He/She said “I love you” and the expectation is to respond, “I love you.” What happens when you do not feel this heart-pounding, palm sweaty, gitty LOVE? You are happy with the companionship and camaraderie of the relationship. You have opened your heart to caring for someone who have brought joy in your life that was dark and empty. However, there is the question of LOVE.

You are forced to evaluate your position in the relationship because your partner is not satisfied with how deeply you care for them he/she wants LOVE. What is LOVE? What is this LOVE that leads people to search until they have connected body and soul to their true soul mate; but disappointment comes because the LOVE you thought you found was confused with lust and infatuation. What is the secret for the couples who stayed together for 20, 20, 40 plus years?

I believe that the bond shared between people extend beyond the boundaries of the kind of LOVE that people mentally boxed themselves into. LOVE is a word that people carelessly throw around. LOVE is the reason why some people say they get married. No. you get married because you and your partner have vowed to love, honor, respect, and care for each other, while forsaking all others. These wedding vows have a deeper meaning then saying I LOVE You. We have all know a couple or two that have vowed to love and honor until death does its part, but at the first sign of trouble, they contact a divorce lawyer.

When my father passed I watched my mother stare at his closed casket and after 32 years of marriage, she said,” there goes my best friend.” That was 24 years ago and I still get goose bumps when I recall that moment. People say “I LOVE YOU.” For many different reasons. I say it is the intentions behind and what is in the heart of the person who says “I LOVE YOU.”

I will say this I will never judge a person based on how much I think he/she loves or does not’ love me. People express LOVE in various ways. Because we have our narrow vision of what we want LOVE to be sometimes we miss extraordinary experiences because we close our eyes to LOVE.

Think about this the next time someone holds your hand. When a stranger flashes an authentic smile, the kind that light sparkles in their eyes. When you receive, a hug and the person squeeze you and holds on for a few extra seconds.When you receive a card that say, “Thinking of You.”

When a stranger shows an act of kindness by paying for your coffee. Think about the time when you were at the end of the rope and just when you let go, someone caught you and helped you to hold on. LOVE is in every moment of each day. Do not close your heart, soul and mind to that spirit of love that flows around us every day.

What Say You?

 

MUSIC THE FOOD OF LOVE

And the Band Played On

Dear Readers,

I am thankful that my father shared his love of music with me.  Music flowed throughout our house every day, all day, Jazz, Blues, Rock N Roll, Blue grass, and Country, yes I said Country. My father loved Charlie Daniels, Roy Roger, and the men in black Johnny Cash. My father introduced me to classical music and opera, but my favorite is Big Band music. I love the sound, groove, and the energy of the Big Bands. Every time I hear the sound of swing music, I remember sitting in the living room with my dad and watching people dance with jubilation to big Band music.

My top Ten List of Big Band Leaders.

  1. Glenn Miller
  2. Duke Ellington
  3. Benny Goodman
  4. Louis Armstrong
  5. Count Basie
  6. Tommy Dorsey
  7. Artie Shaw
  8. Buddy Rich
  9. Cab Calloway
  10. Lionel Hampton

 

Top Ten of Big Band Songs

  1. Sing, sing, Sing
  2. Chattanooga Choo Choo
  3. Take The “ A” train
  4. In The Mood
  5. Mack the Knife
  6. Star-dust
  7. Lover man ( oh where can you be)
  8. Begin The Beguine
  9. White Christmas
  10. I’ll Never Smile Again
Education

The Tales of Two Shootings

Dear Readers,

A loose of life is a devastating experience; however, what more shocking is when lives are ruined by senseless acts of violence that leaves us bewildered. The latest mass school shooting in Texas is more than an unfortunate incident, and for a lack of better words, this is becoming too common. These illogical acts of savagery spark debates among political leaders about stronger gun laws. We talk, analyze and sensationalize these shootings by publicly commenting on the shooter and comparing the analogous of past school shootings. School unites in prayer and candlelight’s vigils in support of the family and the victims, and psychologist arrive on the scene to help people to cope with feelings of anger, shock, and bewilderment. We see the anguish on the faces of family who have the painful task of making funeral agreements.

A life taken is a life taken  and no individual life should matter more than the other, “ It is written that you return to  the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust you are , and unto dust shall you return “ ( Gen 3:19). This verse is true for all life. Then why isn’t there the same outrage and collective concern and emotional support when an individual of color is violently gunned down in cold blood. Where is the political indignation and prayer vigil for the community and the victim’s family? Police fired 39 bullets into the body of 19 –year –old Tyler Damon Woods, not a thug as the news media would have the public to think, but a young men who despite growing up in harsh conditions, dreamed of becoming a Hollywood actor and enjoyed bowling, horseback riding and swimming.

Louis Pena, a veteran pathologist with the Los Angeles Coroner’s Office, determined that 19 bullets—six of them individually devastating enough to kill—riddled Woods’ tall, slender body. One shot struck his left eye, crashed into his brain, and fractured his skull. Other “sharply upward” shots slammed into his stomach, lungs, liver, ribs, bladder, and small bowel. Eight bullets penetrated the target’s back, left arm, hip, leg, shoulder, and right buttock. Pena labeled the carnage a homicide. In nearly two decades of performing autopsies in a region with one of the highest murder rates in the nation, he’d rarely seen so many bullet wounds in one corpse. . https://www.ocweekly.com/socal-cops-are-still-defending-39-bullet-barrage-on-unarmed-man/

There is no debate about how to create laws putting an end to police using excessive force when they encounter a person of color. I am not making this a racial issue. This is matter of lives lost and how society views the importance of one act of violence over another. I wish for an end to whatever is in the hearts and minds of the people who commit these crimes.

What say you?