Education

Brokenness

Dear readers,

When God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper” his originals intention of creating a helper (partner) is for man and woman to walk together side by side as comparable partners. In today’s society, people in partnerships (relationships) are struggling to raise above the nonsense of unrealistic  rules set forth by a society that thrives on dividing men and women by creating foolish  relationship does and don’ts aimed at suppressing women thus moving men in a place of superiority. The main cause for partnerships falling apart is the need for control resulting in the partnership becoming a dictatorship because there is a feeling of OWNERSHIP. People become trapped in these types of partnerships and they often become a dangerous and violent situation. The question is not why, but how. During the dating or courtship, stage the individual who wished to woo their perspective partner will show who they need to be until they are sure that they have completely captured their perspective partner under a spell of lust and love, this is when they show their true self. And the true self isn’t the person who enticed them. Millions of men and women are taught misleading lessons about their role in a partnership, they are told false relationship myths, and bear the wounds of destructive relationships. Some experiences come in the form of dysfunctional families, spousal and child abuse, and abandonment issue meaning that some people choose to remain in a dictatorship in fear of being alone. Men and women are  burden with mistrust and lack the knowledge and skills to communicate their emotions, so they suffer in silence. Partnerships are hindered by the baggage that each person has not resolved thus expecting their mate to be their therapist. Men and women feel the need to control their partner because they have lived a life where others had control over them and they could fight back. These personality types will slowly crush their partners mentally, verbally, emotionally, sexually and financially. These cycles of abuse people have experienced in their past. Sadly, we obverse partnerships like these in our own families, and among our friends, people whisper about the abuse, but do not speak out. Until we as a society understand that, sometimes it also takes a village to help develop and sustain healthy and long-lasting partnerships by addressing the brokenness of each individual the cycle will continue. Thus creating the next generations of broken partnerships, haven’t we had enough?

What say You?

 

 

Chapters from my book

” The Waiting Game” by J. R. Floyd

Setting the Stage

Dear readers,

It is said that if you stop looking for love it will come to you, and if you love someone,
set him free; if the relationship is meant to be, he will come back. Well, in my case, this saying
is a myth. I am a 52-year-old mother of one and grandmother of three. I had one short horrible
marriage and several hit- and -run relationships.
I thought that I once had the love of my life, but he ran for the hills when I mentioned
marriage. I found out that most of my lovers moved on to get married and live happy lives.
What is so painful about reliving these memories is that none of these men thought that I was
wife material or good enough to be the mother of his children.
There is something very evil and disturbing about men who will have sex with you, lie to
you, play you like a fiddle, while closing the door in your face.
I had a few of them come back, but I was not smart enough to understand that I was
just a layover before they moved on again. What is it about me that either scares men away,
attracts losers, or beckons to men who simply don’t get me?
Most of them came with too many requirements and baggage: baggage in the form of
ex-wives who had not moved on, or ex- girlfriends who have not really become exes. In each
relationship, I was expected to change and make adjustments, compromise, give up, give in
until I gave out. I was not sexy enough; I did not dress sluttily enough to suit their taste, I was
too conservative, too aggressive, and too smart. I did not give enough of myself in bed; in other
words, I was not freaky enough.
I played different roles in these relationships. For the men who refused to grow up and
cut the apron strings, I had to mother them. Oh, and the children; no, not my son, their
children. I was the free babysitter so they could go out and hang with the boys.
My biggest role–playing wife without the ring or marriage license. When I think about
all the time I wasted cooking, cleaning, washing and organizing their sad lives, all in the name of
L.O.V.E, I realized that Tina Turner was right: love had nothing to do with what I was going
through. It was all for the sole purpose of their self-gratification. Moreover, in the end I was left
emotionally confused, physically exhausted, mentally disturbed, and financially broken- exactly
what they wanted.
More myths: you are still young, it is not too late, he is out there for you, and you just
have not met him yet. Why do people tell you this when deep down inside what they really
want to say is, “ Girl, hang up your dating boots, your prince isn’t coming, settle for that frog,’
because at this stage of the game you have to take what you can get; or settle for what’s
behind door number three.”
Drum roll please…. and behind door number three we present Miss Lonely. Yes, most
women fear being alone, because we have been told being alone is BAD.
Yes, the defect is always with us. It goes something like this: I am alone because I am a
nag, hard to get along with, too needy, too fat, too thin, too broke, or too independent.
I am selfish, bossy, noisy, fussy, and refuse to have sex 10 times a day. I am too trusting
or not trusting enough. Oh, here is the climax: it is my fault that I have been replaced with a
better woman. But no, I am not another angry woman, as I have been labeled. I am a woman
who has arrived at the end of these experiences finally understanding who I am, where I am
going, and knowing how I am going to get there, and what I will and will not put up with and
why. My story is about ignoring the warning signs, such as, when it is time to get out of an
abusive relationship. A reminder: abuse does not have to be physical to leave scars. I had to
learn how to put the brakes on, make a U-turn, and haul ass in the opposite direction when the
drama got too deep.
This is about not lowering standards by accepting the behavior of a serial cheater. By
doing so, we women put our health in danger by continuing to have sexual intercourse with
him: all because women are told this is all a part of what men do. Well, A.I.D.S kills and herpes
is for life, and do you really want to stay with a man who has been labeled community
property?
This is about all the bad relationship myths that are damaging to women’s self-esteem
and self- respect and undermine us a woman. This is about living in a society where the double
standard motto that “Boys will be Boys” is an accepted norm, while women are expected to put
out and shut up.
To the men who have the great fortune and guts to read this book, it is about your
understanding that men can be broken, needy, and have parts of them that need to be fixed
too. Stop measuring your worth by your penis and start thinking with your brain about the
quality of emotional stability, respect, caring, and love that you can give to your partner.
A final note: Men, stop being selfish; a relationship is not all about you. Women, stop
talking to your girlfriends, your mother, his mother, and talk to him, God, or a therapist.
When entering into a relationship, both men and women need to think about what they
are doing and why. Nobody likes a player and games are for social activities, not a relationship.

What Say You?

TWG Cover

Available on Amazon

The Wait is Over

Drama

Promises or Lies?

brokentrust

Dear readers, excuse my absence

Question, How many times have you heard this, ” Don’t make a promise you can’t keep.”

It’s  a common belief that, when people make a promises, they do so with good intentions. It’s their way of say, ” Trust me, I won’t let you down.” However, when the promise contract is broken, the promise keeper is labeled a liar , and is said to be a person that cannot be trusted.  A broken promise can cause emotional damage that sometimes can’t be repaired.  In life sometimes things happen that are beyond our control. But, when a person fails to keep a promise, due  to lack of concern for the person on the receiving end of that promise; in their eyes the promise turns into a lie.

What Say You?